I finally remembered to update my blog. I honostly can actually use this blog now, because, same as how I have returned to my blog, so have my depression symptoms.
On March 8th I was accepted into Dominion Mental Hospital for suicidal thoughts. I was there for 5 days, during which I participated in group after group with the other girls at the hospital. During my stay, they upped my medication from 50mg of Zoloft to 100mg. At that time, my suicidal thoughts seemed to go away. On the day I was to see my physciatrist to make sure my medication was alright, I self injured. Self-injured is a term I will be using often, because while cutting is a form of self injure that many use, I have never actually performed the act. I had been at school and had become overwhelmed with life. For reason I could hardly understand, I felt the need to hurt myself, such as raking my nails against my skin. Between my classes, I went into the bathroom, and repeatedly ran the sharp edge of my house key against the soft skin of my forearm. The redmark that was left was there for around 3 days, just for a reference for you to know how long/hard I did this. After this, I had gym with my bestfriend of 6 years, who has been through this with all of me. While sitting there with her during the silent reading we are required to have during 4th and 8th period, I began to dig my nails into my palm. When I got to the physicatrist, I had already told my mother about what I had done. In attempts to fix my problems, they changed my medication to 150mg of Zoloft. This never seemed to change a thing, and the next day, I did not go to school. Or the day after that. Or for the next week. Eventually my parents realized I could not return to school in my condition because I needed to be watched to insure I did not injure myself. My father works from home, so I am now on Homebound education, where a teacher comes to my home to give me work and teach me the things at school. I am now finding that I not only wish to self-injure, my suicidal thoughts have returned.
Many of the times that I find myself seriously craving to injure myself to the point I must be watched completely and not left alone, is at night around the times of 7-8pm. This does not mean I do not have symptoms during the day, I have them quiet often. Because of this, we increased my appoitments with my therapist to once a week, however, she wishes to put my into Intensive Outpatient program, which is a group therapy that is for 3 hours, 3 times a week.
I will most likely begin to post often to express what is happening in my life, as a therapy method.
